Staring at him brought back the pains of years past, pains that were etched deep into the fabrics of her being. No matter how much she tried, the countless therapies and shrinks she indulged, she could not get herself to forgive, not to talk of forgetting. Seeing him now on the hospital bed clad in a sky blue hospital gown and supported by machines which beeped intermediately, she realized how she wished things had been different, if only he did not let himself get engulfed in a carnal incestuous lust.

She moved closer to him, he was in a drug induced slumber. She reached out and touched his face, tracing neatly manicured fingers along the three-day old stubble till she reached the mole behind his right ear. A mole she shared with him in the exact spot, a mole that affirmed his paternity to her. She had often wished she were adopted, a little consolation to make things easier. She soaked in his details for what she knew was going to be the last time, the fine Roman nose with a slight bump at the bridge, the slick eyebrows that looked like they were carved by the best makeup artist, long eyelashes, thick lips on a mouth that seemed almost too wide on the oval face. She wished she could see the eyes one last time. Before long, tears clouded her eyes and the memory of the first day came hurtling.

She was thirteen and had just come back from school. She eagerly entered the house, she was not used to meeting daddy at home. Most times she was already in bed by the time he got home from work as the CFO of a reputable insurance company but she knew he was going to be home today. He had just started his three-week leave. Mummy was still in her shop, she was going to be back much later with Ola her younger sister who she was seven years her senior. Daddy had always been her favorite parent, always ready to spoil her with gifts and attention. She entered the sitting room where he was sprawled on the sofa watching sports, she ran to him with shouts of “Daddy”. He stood up as she flung herself into his arms in an embrace. He pecked her on the forehead as usual. He asked about school in his usual affectionate way then told her to go shower, change up and eat something, he had baked cookies. Chocolate cookies. She hurriedly ran upstairs and in less than twenty minutes she was back downstairs with a saucer of cookies and a mug of hot chocolate. She complimented him on his cookies, they chatted on random topics; school, work, family, friends, neighbors, career, wants. She finished up her cookies and drink, then stood to drop the saucer and mug in the kitchen. She remembered she was halfway up the stairs when she instinctively turned to catch his eye upon her. He smiled at her, a wry smile she had never seen. She came back downstairs and resumed her position in the couch opposite him. He looked distracted, always casting glances at her, she also remembered laughing and telling him he was acting weird. He chuckled and beckoned her. She gingerly stood up and went to him, she still had the image of what she was wearing, how could she forget, her favorite house wear,  blue spaghetti top over black bum shorts. Maybe that was what attracted him in the first place. NO!, he had also molested Ola. It was in him.

He told her to sit on his lap, she did, thinking nothing of it, even leaning her head on his shoulders, inhaling the deep sour alcoholic scent of his aftershave. For the first time, he asked her about boys. It was a funny question. Just one or two admirers in class, a brief kiss with a neighbor some months back. That was all. She had always been open to daddy and he appeared satisfied with her answer. He brushed his lips against hers and called her a good girl. She suddenly started feeling something hard on her perch, she had reached out, groping his thighs thinking it was either the remote control or his cellular. She found it, tried to yank it out but it became apparent it was inside his shorts. She was still a naive adolescent, she knew about a penis but not intricately. She looked into his eyes. She was confused. He had looked at her and simply said “It’s okay, sweetie” in a voice she had never heard before. She removed her hands and he gently placed it back to where it was. “You can touch but don’t tell anyone”. He kissed her neck and fondled her young perky tits. She soon started feeling how she had never felt before, feeling moist between her legs. He kept assuring her it was okay, stroking in-between her legs while breathing down her neck. She soon got comfortable stroking him, it proved an accomplice to the strange sensations she felt, the way you bite into something hard to endure pain.

He had made her swear not to disclose what transpired to anybody, not even to her closest friend or mother. She swore to secrecy and before the end of his leave, he had penetrated and taken away her virginity. They continued at it for close to two years, he constantly enticed her and blackmailed her into trysts in different rendezvous. Mother had finally found out and left the house only to be found dead in mysterious circumstances months later. She ran away from home before her sixteenth birthday, taking his money and possessions of worth to start a new life.

A nurse walked into the room putting her arms around her, she had been crying profusely. She sniffed back the tears, smiled at the nurse then quietly left the room.

After Ola confessed to being molested by him before her twelfth birthday, she made up her mind to take his life. He had left a scar on them and she swore to be responsible for his death.

Nine years after running away from home, she discreetly came back in the shadows, sneaked into the house and dumped a huge amount of tasteless Arsenic into his coffee creamer. She did not want a sudden death, she wanted the opportunity to look at him once more only that she did not get the opportunity to look into his eyes.

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